Amanda's Thanks(less)giving

I guess I should start by saying that I've been quite irritable lately. I'm not sure why. And I'm not sure if I'm really that irritable, or just usually so passive that it seems like a big change. Anyway, though I wanted to be excited about Thanksgiving, I wasn't, as I knew it would just be chaos...and it was.

The entire week of Thanksgiving is always when I finish up my crafting projects for a craft show I'm in Thanksgiving weekend. So I stayed up way too late and got up way too early every day to work on my stuff. I should learn to take some time off work so I can have ample time to do this, but I never do! (Side note...craft show was amazing! I sold almost everything!)

So going into Thanksgiving Day, I was tired not really ready to deal with my family. We only celebrate Thanksgiving with my mom's side of the family. She is one of seven children, and her mother grew up during the Depression. And they're all a bit crazy. I know you always have some craziness in every family, but my family takes the cake, especially when in a group. My grandmother's mobility has really failed in the last year. She is such an independent person that I knew this would be an issue...and it was. My cousin and I mashed the potatoes, and I made the gravy. My grandma was yelling at my Aunt D., because she can't do anything the "right way"...aka "Grandma's way." Aunt D. got very defensive and left the kitchen crying at one point. My Aunt C. lives a fair distance away, and came home for the week prior to Thanksgiving. She's got some pretty major issues and gets to things in her own time, which, unfortunately, is a few hours later than they needed to be done. Another argument from grandma. My Aunt L. is, well, she's a b!%@&! I can't stand looking at her face. And she mouthed off to her hairdresser (who happens to be a family friend...idiot!) about how terrible my family is to her and blah, blah, blah. Oh, and she did absolutely nothing to help on Thanksgiving Day. I have a 13 year old cousin who is extremely socially awkward and follows me around...everywhere. It used to be cute, but now it's super annoying. I try to give her advice, but she doesn't care. Oh, and she doesn't much care about hygiene, either. Don't get me wrong, I love my family, but sometimes they're too much to handle.

So I was really looking forward to Saturday, when I got to go back up to see all of them for grandma's 80th Birthday Party! And, true to form, it wasn't without argument. (Note: Here I feel I should mention that I have some OCD issues. Not with everything, just with some things. One of which is party setup.) I am used to setting up for these things by myself, and asking other people to do specific tasks. I am also used to preparing/serving food to large groups of people, as I do it weekly at work. So I get to the party venue, and stuff is set up weird and not very practically. I made some logical suggestions, such as moving the coffee pot and pot of apple cider into the other room where all the other drinks were, instead of having them on the side of the cake table where no one could access them. Shot down, complete with yelling from Aunt D. I then tried to tell her that we had to move the pots, as we were going to trip the breakers...shot down again. The morning continued in this fashion...being yelled at by Aunt D., then her following me around asking if I was mad. Whatever.

We were all supposed to be back at the venue by 12:30 PM (party at 2). Aunt C. had most of the supplies, but failed to show until 1:50 PM. Like I said, everything in her own time. Sure enough, when we went to plug in the roasters and coffee pots, guess what happened? Tripping circuits like crazy, and just like I had predicted and suggested to change that morning. God forbid they listen to someone who DOES THIS SHIT ALL THE TIME! Nope, still wasn't a good idea until my Cousin A. suggested we move some stuff. It's not really something to be that pissed about, but I was. Nothing like being slapped in the face by your own family! I guess the important thing is that my Grandma had a good time, and I got to hang out with my extended family, who I love.

So, since my family didn't care to ask, I'll post it here:

This year has been rough. Really rough. But also very blessed. I am thankful for the friends and family who have supported me, even when I'm a bear to be around. I'm thankful for the new friends I've made, and for friendships that have grown much stronger. I'm thankful that I have friends who will take time out of their busy lives to listen to me rant and rave every once in a while ;). I am thankful that God has given me so much in my life to be thankful for. I'm thankful He still chooses to listen to me and show me my path in life.

So as we enter this Christmas season, I hope to remember the "Reason for the Season." Sometimes I get wrapped up in all the activities of the season and lose track of what is really important. Here's wishing you all a happy and healthy holiday season. Thanks for being the wonderful people you are!

Halloween

It's been a long time since I've dressed up or gone out for Halloween. Usually, I have to work, so it makes it kind of tough. Not this year, however. My friend Julie's sister, Emily, got married this past weekend. We threw her a bachelorette party on Halloween. When Julie first asked me about this, I said "Ohhh, we should dress up like her bridesmaids! How fun would that be!" Fun it was! This group of girls are a blast anyway, but it was so much fun to do this on Halloween! Here we are in all our glory....

My friend Lisa was hell-bent on being a dead bridesmaid. Lisa, I believe, has ADHD, and is not the best listener. I tried telling her that no one else would be dressed that way, but she didn't listen. Then, when we got to the party, she was upset she was the only zombie...duh! They kept telling me I was too pretty to be in their group. Their dresses came from Goodwill, mine was from my friend Jenn's wedding a few years ago. I didn't need to buy one, I have a ton! They tried teasing my hair more, but I had put so much hair spray in it, I ended up with one MASSIVE knot of hair! That was super fun to comb through!

The only downfall was that I couldn't drink. I had been sick for the better part of two weeks, and had just finished taking my steroids and antibiotics that morning. I'm a good girl like that, I follow the rules! I still had a blast, though. And I'm pretty sure I got a marriage proposal from and older African American gentleman at the last bar we stopped at. Do I know how to draw a crowd or what?!?!?!

I also got to see Cavo, Theory of a Deadman and Daughtry the weekend before Halloween. AMAZING! I don't know what else to say about it! The tickets were the cheapest I've ever gotten (less than $40 after taxes and surcharges!) I don't know what I expected, but only really went to see Theory. Little did I know I'd end up loving ALL of it! I went with a big group of friends, and we all had a blast. But that was the start of my illness, so I wasn't feeling the greatest, and was the day after I got some bad news about my pal Chance, so I wasn't in the best of moods at first. I'm glad my girls pulled me out of my funk! I ended up having an asthma episode (not really an attack, got control of it very quickly), but it was scary as I haven't had those kinds of asthma symptoms for a very long time...I forgot how much they sucked. But I stopped by the fire station on my way home and gave myself a breathing treatment to get through the night; I promptly called the doctor the next day and got steroids, tussionex, and an antibiotic. All three are amazing!

I've been super busy lately with random fire and rescue calls. It was so slow for quite a while, but now we're making up for lost time. I guess that's my life as of late. Now, I'm just trying to get ready for our hunting season guests and prepare for a holiday craft show I'm in. I always wait until the last minute ;).

Wow...time flies!

I just realized that it's almost been a month since my last blog. Wow...time flies when you're having fun! Well, it wasn't all fun, but a lot of it was. Shortly after my last blog, we had a house fire down the street from my house. Fires are always tragic, but this one was especially disturbing. The family who lived in the house lost their oldest son two years ago in Iraq. They'd never owned a home or decent car, and in his will, that is what his insurance money was to go to...new cars for his parents and siblings, and to build a new house. Well, they did both, got screwed by the contractor, lost all their money, and were slowly finishing the house themselves. All the family but the dad were in Washington DC accepting an award in honor of Dan, and somehow a fire broke out in the garage (where all of Dan's things were from Iraq and the Army Base in Utah.) Luckily, the fire was extinguished pretty quickly, but as all of you know, almost everything is harmed in a fire. Between smoke and water damage, I'm not sure what, if anything, was salvageable. We were able to get Dan's medals and the flag that was on his casket out unharmed, but not much else. The house, I'm sure, is a total loss, though from the front it doesn't look that bad. But the fire had spread to the basement, compromising the structure. This same day was a friend's wedding and my 10 year class reunion. I missed the first round of firefighting, but was there when we were called back out just after midnight.

My class reunion was interesting, to say the least. For a small school, my class was kinda weird. We had some definite divisions, but no real "packs." I don't know if I can adequately describe it. I, for one, was a group jumper...I didn't hang out with just one group of people. I'm pretty sure it was because I was easily annoyed, so it was better for me to not be around the same people all the time. I also had a lot more responsibility than most of my classmates, and found their antics immature at times. Not that I didn't act immaturely at times, but they were few and far between. Anyway, I have probably one core group of people I've kept in contact with over the years. We try to get together once or twice a year, and it's always a good time. Thanks to Facebook, it's easy to stay informed on what others are doing. The classmates who showed to the reunion were exactly who I expected to see, but I wish more people I don't often see would have been there. I lost track of some people I really cared about, and haven't been able to reconnect with. I've also decided I must have selective memory, because people were telling stories and I had no idea what they were talking about! And I was a part of the story! High school wasn't much fun for me...I shouldn't say that, but a lot of bad things happened, and I unfortunately have more bad memories than good. I'm envious of people who are still close with HS friends, because I wish I was...they're good people.

I've been in a cleaning/pitching crap frenzy for about a month. I emptied our storage room, went through everything, sorted, repacked and put things away in a much more organized manner. During this time, I found several bins of clothes that were Goodwill bound years ago, and somehow got packed away. I gave some to my pal Ali, who is close to my size, and doesn't have a ton of money for clothes. She was so grateful! And I was happy for the free space! I still have a couple loads of stuff for Goodwill, but am glad Ali got use out of the stuff I gave her. I've still got a few more rooms to go, but have made amazing progress. I finally put out my fall/Halloween decorations also, so right now I'm feeling really great about my progress...well, in control at least!

I went to WI for a week in the beginning of the month. I was only planning on going for a few days, but had to go up a little early for a funeral. Chance's (the autistic boy I used to take care of) great grandmother passed away. I have always felt like a part of their family, and they have done so much for me over the years. When I found out Mimi died, I was heartbroken for those kids. She hadn't really been sick, fell ill late on a Sunday night and was gone by Wednesday. She had a blood clot that had been near her heart dislodge and relocate close to her intestines. It did a ton of damage before they found it (as she had other weird symptoms they were trying to figure out.) She was in renal failure, but they tried to put in a stint to help restore the bloodflow. It didn't work, and the dye they used shut her kidneys down. I'm glad she went fast, as her husband passed away last December and had been sick for over 2 years. She went fast and only had a few bad days.

Chance's aunt, Jenni, is the one who has decided to do foster care/foster-to-adopt. So that means I got to play with the babies for most of the week! She has N., who is a 3 month-old male, and T., who is a 4 month-old female. They are SUPER cute! I have pictures, but am not sure the legality of posting them here due to them being in foster care. Kate, Em and Gail, I'll send you an email. Unfortunately, the babies were both not feeling well most of the time I was there. We had to make some formula adjustments, but now things are much better. But I changed A LOT of nasty diapers! Loose stools = tons of diaper and outfit changes! Do I know how to pick em' or what!!!!

I also got to hang out with E. and D. They are getting so big! D. talked my ear off, explaining how everything he saw worked. Wow. He knows way too much! And E., well E.'s just too sweet. She's so funny! I don't remember what she said, but it was something really ditzy. I looked at her and said, "E., it's a good thing you're cute!" She looked at me with a big smile and said "Thanks, AJ!" Wow, to be four again! I went Goodwill shopping for both of them, and found tons of stuff! They both grow so stinking fast that they don't stay in sizes too long. E. is already wearing 5's, and will probably be in a 6 by the first of the year. She doesn't need it in the waist, she's just got a long body. Long arms, long legs, long torso! We had a great weekend!

Oh, and my big news...*Kayla* is gone! She was placed in another residential placement! Woo hoo!!!!! That's horrible to say, but she was really on my last nerve. She had a new medical "problem" every day. She was creating more girl drama. She was being a bitch to everyone. I hope that she learns something at her new placement. I think she was scared to go, and I even think she thought the judge would let her go home! Yeah, I don't get it. She needs to successfully complete some program. She failed with us and she failed at rehab. Hopefully this place is far enough away from home that she can finally focus on herself. She literally wore me out! So now I've taken a breather and am ready to get back at it!

Well, I guess that's it for me. Sorry it's been so long since my last post. Just busy, I guess. And I needed to get that cleaning done! I hope that everyone is doing well, and here's hoping the next few days will be a bit warmer as the weatherman has said...I've got stuff to plant before hard frost! Take care and have a great weekend!

What to say...

I've been trying to decide what to blog about. Up until yesterday, there wasn't much to blog about. It's been a pretty uneventful week or so. I'm hoping we've taken care of the bees. I was wrong in my earlier post...honey won't ferment, as I once thought. We had yet another beekeeper come out, and he reminded me of something I learned long ago...they find honey all the time in ancient civilizations, such as in pyramids. And, I also know that it used to be used as an antiseptic, so how could it ferment? He said the dead bees would probably smell, but they're so small the smell would dissipate pretty quickly. I'm guessing that there will be new siding and windows in the next year or so anyway, so the hive will just have to hang out for a while.

Hmm..what else. Well, I threatened a kid at work with bringing my mom into work and letting her beat his ass (he needs it!) He said "Yeah, right, she wouldn't do that." I responded "Well, she had no problem beating her own kids, so I'm sure she won't have any trouble beating a stranger." Shut him up for a while! ;)

Today, I went shopping in the Quad Cities. Didn't find what I needed, and bought stuff to make more jewelry with (because I didn't have quite enough!) I drove right by the dog bakery where I used to get Butch's treats...so sad! Just makes me want another dog even more!

The best news of all came last night. You all know what it is, so I'm not going to repeat it. But I'm so happy prayers were answered! And from those answers I have hope, which had kinda fallen by the way-side lately. Maybe Baby DeBo is LLC for all of us! Renewed, on this first day of fall...the way it should be!

8 years ago....

I was sitting in Room 203 in Main Hall at Carroll College. Ironically, the class was called "Sociology of Social Problems." I will never forget the look on Dr. Coons face...utter dispair. He dismissed us, and the rest of the classes were also cancelled for the day. I drove across town to catch up on some work, and tried to give blood, but the line was forever long. I tried to get gas, but that line was also forever long. I sat in my office and stared at my computer, listening to the events unfold via radio. I just remember hurting. Hurting for those who were trapped, hurting for the rescue workers who didn't know the second collapse was going to happen, hurting for the families who lost loved ones...just hurting.

"Why'd ya have to go and make things so complicated?.."

Hmmm...let's see. Where to start. Well, I guess I should write that I still live in the house I grew up in. No, I don't have a fear of leaving home, and no, I'm not a leech. I live in a town of 800 or so people, and there aren't many places to rent. I WILL NOT live in an apartment building in this town. They are nasty, dirty little places and have had to accept HUD housing to make ends meet. Nope, I'm not doing it. It's bad enough I live 1 1/2 blocks away from them as it is. Also, I have to stay in this town if I want to remain on the fire/EMS service...and I do, for now anyway. To add to this, my mom works from 3:30 PM- 7:00 AM, and my dad is gone 10 out of 14 days. Combine their schedule with mine, and we don't really run into one another. Up until last week, someone had to be here with Butch, as being alone for 16 hours per day wasn't really to his liking. Also, in the past 5 years, my parents have had various medical issues, and I needed to be here to care for them.

That being said...I HATE this house! Okay, I shouldn't say that. I will say that my parents have not done necessary things to "keep up" this house. I could make a list, but I don't have the patience or energy right now. So I will fill you in on what is bothering me the most. A couple years ago, we had a really bad wind storm here, and we were without power for 5-ish days. It was in the middle of August and it was H-O-T!!! We come from a family of farmers, so we always have tons of meat. Well, we almost lost about $2000 worth of meat, as the generators were having a hard time keeping up with the freezers. Anyway, my parents decided they were getting too old to be without power for that long, so they bought a whole-house generator. I should add that my father has, what I call, a lack of attention to detail. He bought the damn thing before he realized that the electrical hookup and the natural gas hookup were on opposite sides of the house...a ranch-style house. So we would need to run a gas line to power the SOB. Fast forward to Sept. 9, 2009, we are going to have the damn thing installed (after looking at it sit on the patio for approx. 12 power-outages.)

Earlier this summer, my mom and I noticed that some bees were going in and out of the bottom of the siding, right near where the generator was to be installed. We've used approx. 25 bottles of wasp/bee killer, but they just keep multiplying. My dad was just home for 10 days...6 days longer than his normal breaks...and accomplished nothing. Wait, I take that back, he did change the toilet seat...my bad. I told him that we had a bee issue 3 months ago, and 2 1/2 months ago, and 2 months ago...you get the picture. Did he do anything...nope. So, figuring that these bees are going to attack the workers tomorrow, I take matters into my own hands. I bet I killed 1000 bees today. I was so proud of myself, until I realized they just kept swarming. I didn't even make a dent. So I decided to do some research and see if there was something else I could do. I find out that they probably have one big-ass colony behind the siding, and the only way to remedy it is to remove the siding and clean house. I also read that you can hear them through the wall with a stethoscope. So, I get mine from the car and go into the laundry room to see if I can find them. I hear buzzing, but not from the stethoscope. THEY ARE IN OUR F#^KING HOUSE!!!! Apparently, they did not like being sprayed with poison, so they came inside. F#^K ME! Did I mention that we have wood siding, and whatever lame-ass carpenter built that part of the house didn't bother putting up drywall...just siding, insulation and paneling. Yep, f#^k me. And apparently, they are honeybees, and they are protected. I've called beekeepers, but they don't want them; exterminators tell you to call beekeepers. Envious yet? We have to get rid not only of the bees, but also the honeycomb and honey, as it will begin fermenting without bees to care for it...imagine that lovely smell.

So, tomorrow I have to call the insurance guy to see if this qualifies for a claim, then find someone brave enough to come take the siding down. For you Theory of a Deadman fans: "I hate my job, all of my rich friends, I hate everyone to the bitter end. Nothing turns out right, there's no end in sight, I hate my life!" Not really, but how fitting. I guess we'll see what tomorrow brings!

Sometimes...

So, sometimes I wonder just how much we can handle. And sometimes I wonder why we're tested. I know I won't get an "answer", per se, but I'm hoping that I have some enlightening moment soon. In the last few days, I have essentially been called worthless by the parents of two of the kids at work. And I know they're frustrated and taking it out on me. But that word is one of the few that gets under my skin. You can call me fat, or stupid, or ugly or any derogatory name you can think of. Being a big girl my whole life, I'm kinda used to just letting it slide. But don't call me worthless!!! I would never think of calling anyone that. Like their life didn't matter. Really? Really, you're going to say that to my face? Hmmm...what does that say about your character? But I'm wondering what I'm supposed to learn from this. Am I to learn to be more patient? Is there really something wrong with how I counsel kids? Do I just need to stop answering the phone, so I don't have to listen to bitchy parents?

Today was a day from hell. Literally. It started with a 7:15AM phone call from said bitchy parent. Not exactly how I wanted to start my day--pissed off (red face, rapid heart rate...the whole nine yards!) But I rolled with it. Made it through breakfast without any further issues. Went to a meeting, which also went smoothly. Then, well then, my day hit the proverbial fan. I had to wrestle with one kid and yell at another for not following my instructions the 1, 2, or 3rd time. I then had to take *Kayla* (the one from my April/May ranting) to the child advocacy center for an interview with the state police. I'm still not sure what I feel about this. It has something to do with inappropriate behavior of male adults, but she consented. However, due to ages, the offenders will probably be prosecuted. I feel bad for her because she was kinda taken advantage of (kinda not, though), but am pissed that my 7 months worth of counseling did not phase her a bit! I've been talking about protecting herself and not being around these kinds of people (who happen to be the same ones she claimed raped her earlier this year but she didn't want to press charges), and she obviously doesn't care...so why should I? Anyway, while talking to the officer, she disclosed some illegal activity her family is into. Then I remember she's only 14, and lived a much harder life than I can imagine, and no one has protected her. And then I feel like shit for being pissed at her.

In dealing with the aftermath of this interview, I was late leaving work. While on the way home, I called a coworker and was venting and my dad kept calling me. I don't like to switch over the call waiting, as I think it is rude. Unless, obviously, the call seems out of place like something is wrong. I just figured he wanted to know if I'd be there for dinner, so I ignored him. After his 4 time beeping in, I finally switched over. All pissy-like, I said "HELLO?," and he asked when I'd be home. I told him I'd be there in a few minutes. He said "Okay, see you in a few." Really, I clicked over on a friend for that??? Whatever.

When I pulled into the driveway, I saw my mom's car was still home and I knew something was wrong. My dad met me outside, and I asked what was wrong. He told me that my doggy, Butch, passed away about an hour before I got home from work. Shitty end to a shitty day. He was fine when I left for work, and even gave me a "high 5" before I left. He ate his breakfast and was okay until about noon. Then he started having trouble breathing and moving around. And he was gone before 3. I feel weird being upset, as I think others feel "he was just a dog." But I seek comfort in other dog lovers, as they know how much more than "just a dog" they become. Butch was my pal, my alarm clock, my meal-finisher, my therapist, my workout, my constant. I really thought he was going to pass away about 6 months ago, but he just kept going. I'm happy he's okay now (his legs/hips were really bad) and I'm happy he went fast. But I'm really going to miss him. We decided to have him cremated, which may also seem a bit crazy. We want to spread his ashes in the "forest," as mushroom hunting was his favorite thing. And he'll be cremated with his blanket and beanie baby duck, the only toy he really cared about.

What a f*#%ing day! I don't even want a do-over...just want to forget that it happened.

Here's one of the last pictures I took of him. He was sleeping, but he was making this funny face:

Hmmm...

So today I had a doctor's appointment. You know, the yearly one. My favorite anyway. First, the mountain of paperwork...sigh. Then, cue organ music, (dun, dun, dun) the scale. Ouch. No really, ouch. I'm not dumb, I knew the number was going to be high, but wow. This year has been rough. I'm pretty sure I had a bout with depression, and I've been lazy. Not a bad depression, just needed to work through the events earlier this year. This time it just took way longer than normal. Hence, no motivation to eat well or work out. Today is the end of that, however. I HAVE to make better choices, even if I don't want to. Goodbye pop (or soda, whichever you prefer.) Goodbye sugary snacks (sad little gummy bears, I will miss you!) And, hopefully, goodbye eating late at night. I never thought this would be a problem for me, but my second shift nights kill me. Our work schedule is pretty structured. We eat supper with the kids between 5-6 PM, which means I'm starving by 11 PM. I try to eat a snack, usually fresh fruit, but that is about 8 PM, and still doesn't hold me until morning. And I need to come to work prepared, as I can't really forage around for anything else during snack time. So I guess I have to stop being lazy. I've always struggled with working out. Well, not always, but I didn't have to do it on my own before. In school, I was a 3 sport athlete...don't really have to work out on your own too much for that. In college, I had free access to a great facility, and the time to do it. Now, I have to drive 10 miles to do it, and I'm not too impressed with what I've seen. And my schedule is so screwed up that sometimes this isn't possible. The house is too small for workout equipment, and I don't always have time for the hour + walks around town I need to be taking. But I need to. I need someone to kick my butt in gear! I need a challenge. Hmmm...

A Little More 'Good' In The World

Jenni got another baby today! This one is only 4 weeks old! I can't wait to kiss his little cheeks! He's awfully cute. He's got some hurdles to overcome in the next few weeks, but he'll make it. I'm headed to WI on Sunday!!!!!

Too Funny

I finally uploaded pictures from my camera, some of which were taken in February! I know, I'm a slacker. It's just such a tedious process. Anyway, I found this one to be especially funny. My girlfriends and I were trying to have lunch, and these kiddos were getting restless. So I taught them a game I learned from my pal Liz. The photographer says "1..2..3" then gives a command. For example, 1..2..3 Senior Picture Pose! Okay, so now that I read it, it looks kinda dumb. I promise, if you use a little imagination, it is a fun game. Anyway, here's "1..2..3 Make A Silly Face"!

The one in the middle is my pal C. He is the smartest, funniest 5 year old I've ever met. He likes it when I draw tattoos on him with washable markers. He also likes it when I take him out to lunch. He's the one who said to me "Manda, we need to find you a husband!" And I reminded him he was only 5 and to get off my back! Cracks me up!

As of Late...

Wow, so much to blog. The best news is that my friend Jenni became a foster parent for the first time yesterday! She's had a rough year and has faced many trials and tribulations on the foster/adopt front, but things are finally moving in a positive direction. She has a 2 year old little boy, and he's adorable!!! She is participating in not only a foster care program, but also a foster-to-adopt program. The little boy she has now is strictly foster care, and she's hoping an infant comes her way soon. VERY EXCITING!!!

Most of you already know this, but I currently have an ear infection. Yep, 28 and still get frequent ear infections! Apparently it's due to some type of birth defect I have. Something about the 'drainage tubes' never dropped in my melon...yada, yada, yada. This morning, I thought my eardrum had ruptured again (yes, again!), but it hadn't. It probably would feel a lot better now if it had, though! Have you ever experienced that? It's super weird. When people talk, it sounds like they're trying to talk with jello in their mouths...kinda cool! I called my doctor today, and he can't see me until the 19th! He did call in a prescription for me, though, so hopefully I'm on the mend. Hopefully, because my friends just installed an inground pool, and our first pool party is on Saturday!! ( I know, ear infection...glutton for punishment!)

Let's see...what else...oh, I got to go to the lake on Sunday with Jenn and Joel. It was amazing! Perfect day, no clouds, too much sun, fun with friends! I was kinda tired though, because I had worked a double shift Saturday night, got off work at 7 AM Sunday, slept to 11 AM, then out to the lake. I was good until about 5:30 PM, then it all caught up with me! I think I fell asleep on the back of the boat!

Well, I think that's it for now. Stay tuned, though, because this week may get a little hairy.....

Still Exhausted

Girls Trip '09 was a success! We had a great house on Lake Sara, near Effingham, IL. We stayed on the same lake last year, but a different house. This house was nothing special, but was perfect for what we needed. On the shoreline, there was a boathouse with a sundeck on top...perfect! We honestly spent most of our time down there. Lots of sun, lots of drinks, and lots of fun! For those who read, join us if you want next year...it's my turn to plan! What do you think...a trip to my favorite place??? I think we should be WI bound!

I got a little too much sun on Friday, so I kind of hid out on Saturday. I tried to stay in the shade as much as possible. I was so engrossed in making jewelry (I know, surprise, surprise!) that I forgot to put on sunscreen. Still kicking myself for that one! Got some pretty stuff made, though, so that makes me feel a little better!

One of the coolest things I saw was on Sunday morning, as we were sitting on the deck drinking coffee and getting motivated to pack up. I should mention that I pay attention to EVERYTHING going on around me. People, cars, birds, etc. Just ask Kira (I spotted her and Justin when driving back from WI a month or so ago when going through Rockford!) Anyway, I looked across the lake and saw a mama and baby deer on the beach right across from us. Living in the middle of nowhere, it's not uncommon for us to have deer in our yard, so I wasn't that surprised to see them. I was surprised to see that the fawn couldn't have been more than 4 weeks old, which is surprising this late in the season. And this little fawn was crazy! He was racing back and forth along the water line, playing in the sand. He was sooooo cute! Then his mama would corral him and he'd calm down for a bit. Then back to racing. This went on for almost a half an hour...entertainment for Amanda!

I'm always amazed at what we encounter during our travels. Last year, we drove down on a Sunday. We typically "road trip" to our destination, but were having a hard time finding watering holes on Sunday. We stopped in this little town near Champaign to get a drink. We found an American Legion (our fave places to stop) and it just so happened that two members were up on the roof fixing a light. They let us in to go potty and get some drinks, and we ended up staying for over an hour! This year, however, we were on a time limit, so there was no road-tripping. We did, however, stop at a gas station to use the facilities. We walked in and it smelled H-O-R-R-I-B-L-E! Like someone opened up their butt cheeks and rubbed them all over the walls! I'm hoping it was a sewer backup of some sort, but the bathrooms smelled better than the store. Yikes! It's always an interesting trip.

Anyway, I'm going to try to post some pictures soon, though I'm not sure how many appropriate pictures I got ;). Hope everyone else has a great end to their week to start another great weekend!!!!!

Girls Trip!!!!

Tomorrow morning, I'm leaving for my annual girls trip, and I can't wait! Nevermind the fact that I have absolutely nothing packed or ready to go yet. My young Kayla at work is back to her antics. She was about 2 seconds away from getting my size 12 shoe in her backside the other day (okay, not really.) She's going to be the death of me. Teenage girls suck. Teenage boys aren't much better. I stood in toilet water (I tell myself clean toilet water) for the past 2 days. I have two boys who don't like to follow rules and flooded their rooms, the hallway, the other rooms, the showerstall....you get the picture. Just when you thought you hated your job.....

Vacation could not have come at a more opportune time! Nothing but sleep, sun, relaxation, and drinking. What more could a person want??? Hope everyone enjoys the rest of their week and weekend! PEACE OUT!

My Sister's Keeper....sort of.

This past week I went to see "My Sister's Keeper" with my good friends Jenn and Liz and their mom, Diane. I read the book by Jodi Picoult about 3 years ago. If you have not read a Jodi Picoult book, I highly recommend you do so. For me, they are soooo intoxicating that I can't put them down. My Sister's Keeper was my first Picoult book, and she writes in an interesting manner...from everyone in the story's perspective. Each chapter is designated for a different character's side of the story. That being said, she is probably one of my favorite authors. She writes about real (not necessarily true) things, things you can feel yourself going through. And she makes you think about situations from the "other person's" perspective. Obviously, with this glowing review, I highly recommend you read one of her books ;).

That being said, the movie was not much like the book. The premise was the same, but tons of things were changed. I can honestly say I prefer the book to the movie...it is much more descriptive and heart-wrenching. The movie totally changes the plot of the story. Normally, this makes me very upset, but I can understand why they did this. If they followed the book, it would have been a 5 hour movie! I highly recommend that you see the movie, but keep kleenex close...you'll need a whole box! It would be a great rental!

Canine or human?

This has always been the question with my dog, Butch. He is a canine, but he thinks he's a human! I swear, if you look into his eyes, you can tell what he's thinking. Take, for example, the other night. My brother is back from Florida, but to Butch, he "Stranger Danger." When Brad is around him for the first few days, Butch gets this fearful look in his eyes, like "He's okay for now, but please don't leave me alone with him!" The other night, I heard Butch push my bedroom door open and kind of pace around. He eventually laid down and slept on the floor. When he woke me up to go outside, he "herded" me to the living room. That is when I saw my brother, passed out on the floor in the living room (he'd been out for quite a while the day/night prior to this! Welcome home!) Butch stopped, looked at Brad, then me, then Brad, then me with a look that said "Do you believe the balls on this guy? He's sleeping in MY living room?" He entertains me.

Last week we had some pretty fierce storms. Of course, when it storms, I go to the fire station and usually end up out in the middle of nowhere checking for tornadoes...God love small towns! Butch is not a fan of storms...at all. He gets very nervous and paces around most of the time. When he was younger, I would take him to the fire station with me, and he'd be distracted by everyone there. However, he no longer wants to get in the car, so now he has to stay home. When I got home that night, I found him in my room, with his head buried under my bed. Poor thing! I usually always find him in my room if something bad has happened...apparently it's my job to save him!

I have so many more stories about Butch. He's the funniest dog/human I've ever met! One of my favorite stories is from when he was little. He and my dad were in charge of handing out Halloween candy one year. Dad had cooked some bacon and made "bacon sandwiches" (his version of BLT's). The doorbell rang, and dad put his open pepsi on the endtable, and the uneaten half of his sandwich on top of the can. When he went back to pick it up, all he had was the pepsi! Butch swiped the bacon sandwich without spilling the open can of pop it was sitting on, then looked at my dad with a "What? It wasn't me!" look!

My poor old puppy is just that...old. When we got him, we were told he was a black lab. And he looks like one, one that was bred with a Great Dane! He's huge! He has really long legs, a Dane head and hips, but looks like a lab. He's 12, and I'm not sure how much time we have left with him. He's really failed in the past few years. He remains, however, my entertainment.

Really?

So I found out today that a girl I went to high school with was murdered. MURDERED! She had relocated to the Carolinas a few years ago. She had two little boys and was pregnant with another. She was at work, cleaning at a med/surgical center, and was murdered by a coworker. These things just don't happen in a small town. I shared earlier this year about a friend who passed away. That was hard enough, but for a pregnant woman to be murdered? That crazy stuff just don't happen 'round these parts.

Living in a small town, of course you know everyone. This woman couldn't have had an enemy. She was open and accepting. She was always laid-back and always smiling. I just can't imagine that someone would do this to her. And that poor baby. And her little boys. My heart aches for those little boys. They'll never again get to give their mommy a hug and kiss. Poor babies!

If you have some extra time, please include her family in your prayers. They can really use it. Thanks.

Chaos

So the last month or so has been just that...chaos. Work has been crazy. The kids have been growly. My schedule has changed several times at the drop of a hat. Chaos...nothing but chaos.

I took some time off this past weekend to go to WI to celebrate E.'s 4th birthday. I can't believe she's four! She's growing up so fast! We made "fruit babobs" for her preschool birthday snack and a princess cake for her birthday. She's quite the little helper. I was really proud of her. Her cousin, C., had her birthday party on E.'s actual birthday, and I expected some drama. But E. was just fine. She played party games and it didn't bother her that C. was getting all the presents. Her brother, D., is six and had a hard time understanding why he didn't get presents too. That is because D. is the first grandchild on both sides and rarely hears "no" from either set of grandparents. Talk about a rude awakening!

It was a great weekend. We went to visit Holy Hill, which, as always, was amazing. It is just so beautiful and serene. AMAZING! If ever in the Milwaukee area, I highly recommend that you visit. You won't be disappointed!

Though I could have done without the endless miles of road construction, it was a great trip spent with great friends. Here's hoping the rest of the summer pans out as well!

I Wish My Kids Would Put on Their Big Girl/Boy Panties!

I still have a lot to blog about, but I really need to write this before I go to bed. Work has been hell for the past few weeks. A decent percentage of the kids have had *horrible* behavior. Tonight, for example, one of our kids on administrative lockdown (because his behavior has been that bad) had to be wrestled...again. He's supposed to be earning his way out, but blew it tonight. I really don't care about this kid, but his acting up prevented the two kids who earned really good grades this week from getting their privileges...staying up late to watch a movie with pizza and pop. That pisses me off! I'm so tired of this shit-bag behavior. And it's not outright aggressive behavior...I can handle that. No, they get caught breaking the rules, they get consequences, then they throw a baby fit about it. AND THEY KNOW THE RULES BEFORE THEY BREAK THEM!!! I don't freaking get it. And I don't really care anymore. We just have a handful of *cancers* that we need to get out of our building. Some are leaving early next week, so I'm hoping behavior improves. It's just ridiculous. I had a kid lie to my face tonight. There's nothing I hate more than a liar! And I promptly told him that. I know that it can't be easy to be in detention, but these kids causing the trouble are repeat offenders....they knew what they were in for, and still broke the law to be arrested. I don't feel sorry for them! I really don't. And most are headed to prison...this shit will not be tolerated there. Hopefully they figure that out sooner rather than later. I did, however, get to use my favorite line today. A kid accused me of being racist. I told him to not think he was special, as I'm not racist, I just hate everyone! Totally not true, but he didn't have much to say after that! Thank God I still have a sense of humor! Thanks for listening...I'm sure there will be more to follow!

Some Things Never Change

I'm not sure if I've talked about it on here (which really surprises me because I always talk about it), but I competed in track and field while at Carroll. And I loved it! It was pretty much what kept me at Carroll after a very traumatic freshman year. Well, that and my new pal Kate! Anyway, I like to think that Carroll Track is a big part of what formed me into the *person* I am today. I don't know if I could ever describe the friendships I made while on the team, but I can explain that for roughly six months of the year, the majority of the team was together at least 6 days a week. We ate meals together, practiced together, some of us lived together, travelled together...well, you get the picture.

I'm still pretty close with most of my Carroll Track buddies. In fact, one of my friends turned 30 last week, and I went to Milwaukee for his surprise party. It was so much fun! I could go on and on, but I'll spare you the gory details. What I do want to tell you is that the title of this post never ceases to amaze me. While at Carroll, I always had my camera around, especially for meets and post-meet functions. Somehow, every roll of film (yeah, I said film!) I developed had a blurry picture of genitalia on it. Seriously. The first time I saw this, I think I turned 5 shades of red. Eventually it became a game. You know, guess while driving to pick up the pictures who's "junk" will be there. I have a somewhat photographic memory, so I could usually tell who it was by the clothing/shoes in the background. And I only had 2 real culprits, so the identifying wasn't too challenging.

Fast forward to Friday, May 1, 2009: My camera disappears and eventually returns...with 2 photos of genitalia. I thought about getting mad, but it was way too funny! Needless to say, I wasn't really surprised. Those guys crack me up! It was a great night with great friends in my favorite city...what more could a country girl from the middle of nowhere ask for??? I have a ton more to blog, but it will have to wait...my new pillow is calling! Oh, and I'm not uploading the pictures!!!! (Just in case you were wondering.)

The Wait Is Over

I have a ton to blog about, but it's going to have to wait. Today, we reached about 85 degrees. It was AMAZING!!! I'm typically a fan of 75-ish degree weather, but after all the cold/rain we've had, I'll take anything sunny and warm! Now, I'm not sure how popular the activity I did today is in your neck of the woods, but I shall remind you that I live in the middle of nowhere in Western Illinois. That being said, check out what I did today:

That's right, I went mushroom hunting! I know, how can you hunt something that doesn't move? Well, I like to think of it as an art, really. These little buggers are hard to find, as they look like the fallen leaves that carpet the timber. I was really excited to find this many, as it is really early for them. They are quite small, but that's okay. For most people, they are a delicacy. For me, it's all about the challenge. I don't really eat them. I try them every once in a while, but they're just not for me. I bet I covered 3 miles of timber today looking for them. Quite a workout! My legs and butt were feelin' it! Lots of hills and climbing over downed trees.

I love mushroom hunting, but I'm fairly new to the "sport." I've only done it for a few years, but my family has done it for as long as I remember. Today was a little weird. My dog, Butch, usually goes out with us. Actually, he usually doesn't let you leave without him if he sees that you have the collection bags. However, he's getting really old and can't/won't get into the truck, let alone run around the timber. My other mushrooming pal was D. I half-expected him to pop out of the woods today. I know that isn't realistic, but I was hoping. God I miss that kid! I'm hoping I can steal his nephew for a few afternoons and take him out there.

On a lighter note...

Wow...my last few blogs have been pretty intense! I want to thank all of you for your comments. You guys mean the world to me! It felt so much better to get all of that stuff out, especially to people who are so encouraging.


In a few weeks, I'm headed to WI once again. Last time I went to WI, I didn't get to spend too much time with my Goddaughter, E. When she realized I would be gone when she got home from daycare, there was a MAJOR meltdown. I bribed her with an "AJ and E." day the next time I come up. E. has an amazing memory for an almost 4 year old, as she asked me if we could have our day and go see "Hannah Bontana Mobie." I'm a sucker, so of course I said yes. Apparently we'll also be visiting Build-A-Bear, too. She saw me coming a mile (or hundreds of miles) away!


At the beginning of this year, I posted some things that I wanted to accomplish this year. I've started on my list, but still have a lot of work to do. I'm excited about this upcoming summer. I will be spending lots of time with friends (probably on the lake) and hopefully will get to golf a lot. I'm hoping that I stop taking things for granted and live my life the way it was meant to be lived. I'm also hoping that spring is good to me, and this blessed season renews my spirit. This is, after all, my favorite time of year.

"No one ever said it would be easy, just that it would be worth it."

Pseudo-Answers

Earlier this year, I wrote about what might have been the worst day of my life thus far. It was a day in which two people I knew very well passed away. This has been somewhat hard for me to accept. Normally, I am the one who can justify death pretty easily to myself. I have a weird relationship with death...I've lost so many family members and friends that it's just kind of ingrained, I guess. With these two young men passing away, they are the 10th and 11th people that I physically went to school with who have passed away...and my high school had less than 250 people. Very weird for such a small community.

A few days ago, I got an email from D.'s mom, in which she told me what was in his coroner's report. I had heard many rumors, but it felt better to know what was in his system. Unfortunately, it doesn't really make too much sense. Her assumption (which was the coroner's as well) is that someone lied to D. and gave him the wrong thing. Or, whatever he was given was tainted. This was the answer I was hoping for, in a way, that someone else was also to blame. I know it was his fault for taking the drugs, but all along I've been hoping he didn't know what was in them. I really thought when I got this report that it would somehow give me clarity, but it hasn't. At all. Now I just have a whole new book of questions that need answers, but I doubt I'll ever get them. I just have to find a way to make that answer be enough.

I called him the other day...on accident. My cell's contact list goes "Dad cell, D. cell..." I meant to call my dad, but hit D.'s name instead. I cried for the rest of the night. D. rescued me so many times...who am I going to call now? Who's going to get my spare set of keys from my house when I lock the others in my car? Who's going to let the dog out if I have to work overtime? Who's going to help me? Who's going to make me laugh? I'm so tired of this feeling of sadness, but I can't shake this one. This one hurt way too much. Here's hoping I can make some sense of this soon.

An Update

As I read it now, I'm noticing that I blamed Kayla's mom for most of her behavior. Though she has caused a majority of it, it is ultimately Kayla's decision to do what she does. I found out today that 1.) Kayla lied to me about smoking pot ("I was around someone who did it"...yeah, right, and I saw a pig flying this morning) and 2.) supposedly someone forced her to have sex on Friday night. I say supposedly because Kayla is full of lies, and I wouldn't be surprised if she's trying to put blame on someone else to take the heat off her. I know that sounds cruel, but she fessed up to several lies tonight after our "lying gets you nowhere" speech. I really hope it didn't happen to her, but when I asked what she was going to do about it, this is what I got. (Be ready...sit down and far away from sharp objects)

"I MAY press charges if I end up with an STD."

What the f..k is that kind of answer?????? She claims this is because she doesn't want to start anything because she is friends with the boy's cousin. I *kind* of understand this, as she is newly 14, but I don't understand it that much. So I tried the "Do you want him to get away with it and do it to another girl?" which essentially got me nowhere. I also understand that we're almost a week after the fact and there is not a trace of evidence left, but she doesn't know that. And I didn't want to tell her because that would just give her one more excuse not to press charges.

I've tried to be patient and caring, but have hit the end of my rope. I can handle the whole "victim" aspect of the sexual assault, but don't play "victim" and not do anything about it. And her excuses don't come from fear of her attacker, which I could understand, but fear of losing friends (who are the ones who supply her drugs.) I guess I'm thankful to not be a teenager anymore and for having good parents. My parents were weird at times, but always had my best interest at heart. I never knew how much I would come to appreciate that.

Frustrating

My job is to counsel kids, and to convince them to change their behavior to become better people. I get kids from all different backgrounds, and I'm guessing you can imagine the shit-bag parents I have to deal with. Now, I'm not saying that all of the parents are like that, but I would estimate 80% of them have a large quantity of shit-bag behavior. I could tell you some real horror stories, but I think I'll save that for a different time. I would, however, like to tell you about my current client, Kayla (not her real name).

I work at a detention center, which is essentially jail for kids. The difference between us and other facilities is our Choices Program, which is a cognitive based rehabilitation program. Basically, we teach that every decision and action has a consequence, whether it be good or bad. By doing so, and pointing out negative behaviors, we get our kids to change the way they do things. It's kind of a cool phenomenon when they finally "get it." Anyway, my current client, Kayla, has quite a past. She turned 14 last week, and has been pregnant and miscarried, been to rehab/took off from rehab with a 30 year old drug dealer, and has had very little to do with her parents. She lives with her 70+ year old grandmother who can't really control her. Kayla has not gotten into any trouble while with us, and I knew when she started our program that home visits would be her downfall. The clients progress through phases, and after they achieve phase 2, they get to go home for a few days.

When I got the call Friday night that Kayla had booked from grandma's house, I can't say I was really surprised. Through a long series of events, Kayla's sister got her back to us on Sunday. (Here I should add that I tried to get the cops to go pick her up, and they refused even though I had a court order...but that's another story for another day.) When she got back, Kayla apologized to me. And I jumped her ass. I told her she didn't need to apologize to me, but to her grandmother and sister, who hadn't slept for days. I told her how disappointed I was in her (which I have found to be a useful tool, as our kids really try to please us...usually because we're the only ones who really care about them.) I asked her where she had been, and she told me she was at mom's house. Mom, a crack-smoking drunk who has called her 1 time...1 freaking time...in the past 6 weeks. Mom, who just failed a urine test last week that is part of her probation order. Mom, who promised Kayla she would be at her birthday party at grandmas house but was too high/drunk to get there (at 5 PM). Mom, who hasn't had any parental rights since Kayla was 4. Now, I know there are worse things in the world, and maybe I'm just too close to the situation, but this woman is killing me and all the progress I made with Kayla. Mom told Kayla to wait until a warrant was issued and for the police to arrest her instead of coming back on her own. What a f...ing parent! This is the shit that makes me hate my job!

Kayla is a beautiful, smart, funny young lady who has no self-confidence. She is looking for love "in all the wrong places." This is all stuff I can mend..not fix for her, but can mend it. But when mom comes around, Kayla gets mad and mean. She turns into her mother. And that scares me more than I can ever explain. In the coming weeks, we are going to be working on a lot of things. I'm hoping Kayla finally realizes who her bitchzilla of a mom really is, and I'm hoping she can find a better role model.

I guess I get frustrated because I know that some people don't deserve kids, and some people deserve them and aren't blessed with any. I don't understand what that heartache feels like, but I am extremely empathetic. And I get so pissed when I have a kid with great potential who gets beat down by worthless parents. I try to see the good in people, but I've grown a really thick pair of shades over my eyes, and it is becoming increasingly harder to do. And I wish I could just keep all the kids with me, raise them right, and help them become successful...but the court system doesn't really go for that. They probably would, but "juvenile detention" is a bad phrase right now in the country. I don't think anyone realizes that a large portion of our kids WANT to be there instead of home. And I'm glad I'm part of that.

Another Reason to Enjoy Your Job...

I am currently on lice duty. My shift ended over an hour ago, and I'm killing cooties. I was doing a nice thing. I have a girl that is here because she has nowhere else to go, and she asked me to cut her hair. As I started combing, I thought I saw nits. I started searching, and what do you know? I found some live ones. Scratching your heads yet? Be jealous, it's okay. And it's not the first time I've had to do this. Not even the second...or tenth. I know there are horror stories to every job, but lice is the worst part of this job. Never happens to a girl with short hair! Always the long ones! Oh well...gotta do it even if you don't want to. Hope everyone has a great Sunday!

It Never Ceases to Amaze Me....

Today, I had to explain to a young man why he can't suck his thumb in class. After much arguing, he sort of got my point that it's disgusting, especially since they share writing utensils. Later, while watching a movie in class, I had to once again tell him to remove his hand from his mouth, and remove the other one from his pants. I could understand if I was telling a 6 year old this, but we're talking about a 13 year old! The joys of my job. I then had to explain private room time versus public time....yikes. Just thought I'd give you a reason to enjoy your jobs!

A Different Perspective

This past weekend, I was honored to stand up in a wedding for a long-time friend, Brenna. Brenna and I have been friends, we think, since the age of 4. She lived across the street from my babysitter, and our dads were both on the fire department. I don't ever remember her not being there. She was always my partner-in-crime...not that we ever did anything that bad, we were just extremely curious. And we could talk our dads into anything!

We went separate ways in college, but always were able to pick right up where we left off. We both went through some tough stuff, and both helped each other through it. I was surprised when she asked me to be a bridesmaid, as she has a huge, I mean HUGE, family and was always really close to a couple of her cousins. I really thought between siblings, in-laws and cousins, there wouldn't be room for friends...so I consider myself lucky. We had a great time.

As most of you can imagine, I hung out with the kids most of the time. I should mention that I've been sick for almost 2 weeks, and was on an antibiotic for the past few days...so no drinking for me! Anyway, Brenna's niece, L., was the cutest flower girl ever! When I stop being lazy and upload my pictures, I'll add one I took of her. Anyway, while we were waiting for the wedding to start, L. looked at a Japanese beetle and said "Mana, dem yook yike yadybugs, but dem not yadybugs. And dem not nice. And dem tink!" She apparently used to have a bad habit of squishing them, which made them "tink." She was so sweet and cute! Later at the reception, she came up to me with her blankie. I asked her if she wanted to cuddle, and she nodded yes. I think it took me about 4 leg sways and she was out, loud music and all! So adorable!

Needless to say, I had a great time. It was a long day, and my feet were killing me, but I wouldn't want it any other way. Lots of old friends showed up, and it was good catching up with them. It's amazing how much has changed for all of us in the past 10 years....

**A side story I wanted to add:**
A few weeks ago, we did a scavenger hunt for Brenna's bachelorette party. One of the items was getting 5 guys to give us their philosophy on marriage. I don't know if I agree with this guy, but thought it was kind of funny/cute. He states:

"Marriage is like a three ring circus. First, there's the engagement ring. Next, the wedding ring. Then the suffering!"

All in good fun!

10 years..

So, it's been about 10 years since I graduated from high school. Today, I walked back into that school as an adult/college graduate/coach. I'm not going to lie, it was weird. I literally almost ran into my old Chemistry/Physics teacher, who I drove crazy! He let me sit at the lab tables during class, and I was constantly messing with stuff. He would get so mad and scream "Johnson!" He didn't have much hair on top, and he would turn scarlet and these veins would pop out on his forehead. I walk in today, and he said "Wow, there's a blast from the past!" Nice reintroduction!

And then I noticed the smell. It still smells the same...like sweaty socks and formaldehyde. Weird combo, I know. It still basically looks the same, but so much has changed. There is a plaque on the wall honoring one of my brother's friends who died while serving in Iraq. And the track and field record boards were redone in his memory. There are new pennants hanging in the gym, and they finally got new bleachers. I recognized a handful of kids, as some of them weren't even in kindergarten when I graduated. Wow, if that doesn't make a person feel old.

But then I see Mr.B, my old PE teacher (the only one I ever had!)/track coach/mentor. And he never changes. He asked me on Sunday to come help out...he introduced me to track and was my biggest supporter, how could I say no? He explained who needed help, and who would be competing tomorrow so I could get them the help they need. Then he gave me a glowing introduction to the entire team! He's an amazing person. And then it was time to throw the shot put.

I wish I had a body double, because all the kids have talent...it just needs fine-tuning. And with a technical sport like shot put, you have to give individual attention. Hard to do in a little over an hour with 12 teens! I think I have my work cut out for me! Of course, I can't just explain things, I have to demonstrate. I'm going to be paying for that tomorrow! After a 3 year hiatus, I decide to pick up where I left off...dumb idea. I'll never learn! Oh well, it was a very productive and fulfilling day. And what more could a person want???

Update

Guess what? I ran into (no pun intended) to my HS track coach, and he needs my help! Looks like I'm off to a good start! Hope this Monday is treating everyone well, and I'm hoping to get started on my other goals soon! Wishing you all the best and lots of love!

Interesting...

Wow...I've got a lot to blog about, and so little time to do it! Actually, I have many different topics to cover, so I better get my butt in gear! Over the past few months, I've really done a lot of reflecting. I've really taken a step back, looked at where/who I am, and trying to see where that fits in with my goals. Pretty easy to do when your goals are as broad as mine! Anyway, I've come to realize that I'm not quite where I want to be. I had several great chats with friends during my trip to WI, and realized that though things have changed for all of us, we still have a lot of similarities. Though still trudging through the hard stuff, we are all really blessed. My belief that my friends are very strong people was only enhanced over my last vacation. It makes me want to strive for more. Dare I say it, I think I'm ready to get back in shape (and am cussing myself out for getting so far out of shape!) My body has always been my tool (weapon? ;) ) and I've seriously neglected it. I've made way too many excuses for my lack of physical activity, and that is not acceptable anymore! I'm the one who says "Excuses are like assholes, everyone's got one," and here I sit! ARGH! I also realized that I need to get in touch with my faith. I have it, and use it, but I decided I crave more. I need to find an appropriate Bible study or something...that's kind of hard for me. Most of you know my issues with this, so I'm not going to explain them. I wish I could have my Bible study group from college again...it was so easy and comfortable! I'll just have to keep looking. I think I just need to find something I love and do it. Usually, it is firefighting and EMS work, but we have a love/hate relationship right now. My constant has always been track and field (I know, I don't understand it either!) I'm so excited that my little cousin A. will be starting track soon, so I can throw stuff! Shot put and discus, here I come! He has great potential, and listens well...and he's hilarious! We have the same sense of humor, so there doesn't need to be many words for hours of laughter.

Wow, what a post! Lots to think about. I'm hoping that I can stick to the things I've mentioned here. I REALLY need to...will you be the one who's kicking me in the ass if I don't???? It's a tough job, but someones got to do it!

Who's Jealous?

Just thought I'd let everyone know....

I'm going to a Motley Crue concert tomorrow night!!! Are you jealous yet? What if I add that Hinder and Theory of a Dead Man are the opening acts? Jealous now?

Okay, so I'm excited to see Hinder and Theory of a Dead Man. Motley Crue is third on my list, but that's okay. I'm going with the girls, so it will be fun no matter what. We deserve a night out! It's been a rough couple of weeks. Okay, it's been a rough year or so for all of us.

Wishing you a great week!

;) Amanda

A Punch in the Gut

That's how I'd describe my last two weeks. Literally, a punch in the gut. More like punches. Just when you think they're over, one comes out of nowhere. Where to start....

Well, a few weeks ago, I woke up at 6:58 AM when I was supposed to be at work at 7 AM. Great start, right? While at work, we completely lost power. Our building is set up to lose phases of power depending on the incident, and of course, we have a generator. It kind of hinders what we can do, but we have heat and lights, so we can survive. Anyway, when we went to explore, the nearest transformer had blown. And when I say blown, I mean pieces flew like 30 feet from the pole! Crazy! I then went to my friend Brenna's house to print her wedding invitations, and the printer would not work. I putzed with it for 30 minutes...no luck. I went home, grabbed a snack and kicked back in the chair for a little nap, when all of a sudden, my world changed.

Now I realize that I don't have to volunteer, but I love it. I love firefighting and I love EMS. They complete me. But I have never, ever, hated them more than I did on this day. My pager went off, dispatching me to a call for a man not breathing. I hate, HATE CPR. I've known how to do it for a very long time, and have done it countless times, yet hate it just the same. So, I kind of wasted time at home, hoping someone else would respond before me. No luck. The roads were horrible and drifting shut. When we arrived, I was told we needed to get permission from the hospital to withold CPR. As I was getting ready to call, I asked who the person was. (This is when the world around me comes crashing down.) I hear the name I am not expecting, the name I don't really believe. It can't be D. It just can't be. I can't tell my parents one of their other "kids" is dead...again. I can't call my brother and tell him his best friend is dead. I just can't. It'll break him...it almost did last time. He's too young to go through this...again.

So, I compose myself. Well, the best I can, anyway. And I find my parents. I know I'm not supposed to tell them yet, but I do. I can't keep it to myself. And I can't stop crying. And then I hear that there is another kid dead. B.'s only 19, he can't be dead too? I used to babysit him. I walked to his house when he was in kindergarten and got on the bus with him because he was scared. He can't be gone too! And so it begins. In a small town, you can't escape rumors. I just hope none ever come my way, because I don't know how I'll handle that. Well, I know, and I fear it.

Then, this past week, one of my dearest friends lost her mother in an accident. She was being a good person, and stopped to help some young girls who were in an accident, and she was electrocuted. Really. How do these things keep happening? And to good people. I have faith...lots of faith. It's what keeps me whole. But I'm not gonna lie, these past two weeks have really tested my faith. I keep telling myself that there has to be a reason, but I can't rationalize that right now. I just keep thinking about a Bible verse from the book of Romans:
"Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us."

This has been my mantra for a long time. I find it applicable in good times and in bad. I try to live by this verse, knowing that all the trials I face, I do so for a reason. And the reason varies. But all things, good and bad, shape me into the person I am.

I've reflected a lot over the past few weeks. I've really looked at the person I am, and the person I want to be. I want to have more of D.'s spirit. He took care of everyone else before himself. I give a lot, but am also very selfish at times. D. would drop everything to help me, and I need to try to do the same, instead of trying to get out of things. And my friend's mom was just an all-around amazing person. That's what I hope people can say about me one day. So I hope to do things to honor her every day...be thankful for what I have, do simple things to help others, and give to those who need it. I think I do these things, but can do them more often and more whole-heartedly.

So that, in a nutshell, has been my fragile life for the past few weeks. Please don't think it's all been sad. I got to spend a lot of time with my little bro, his girlfriend and lots of friends. We had a lot of good times, but it's going to take a while for this pain to go away. Most of you already know about most of this, and have sent me some great messages. I thank you for that. My friend, Kate, who I think has ESP (as she called and sent pics of K. at the times I needed them the most), has always been my saving grace. I've said that over and over again, but she is just amazing. And she's letting me invade her house in a few weeks! I can't wait to see K. and my BFF Maia again! I'm not sure she knows what she's in for, but it's just the break I've been waiting for. I always talk about WI...how amazing it is, how beautiful it is, etc. I guess I'm the only one who knows the magic it holds for me...but it's my peace, and I can't wait to be reunited with it again.

Here's to 2009...

Hello Friends!

I'm sorry it's been so long since I've posted anything. So much has happened! I spent early December in WI. This is somewhat of an annual thing for me. I usually meet friends there for some Christmas activities. This year was a little different, as my trip organizer, was very pregnant with her son, K. Early on, she was planning on coming down; I, of course, was leery from the get-go. Luckily for me (though I did miss seeing her), she became extremely exhausted, and opted to stay close to home. I got to lounge around a lot in WI, which is something I don't often get to do at home. WI is my refuge. Sometimes my hosts feel bad for being so low-key, but I love it! I get rest and relaxation! I often talk about my friend Shannon's little ones, D. and E. D. turned 6 while I was in WI, and asked me to make him a cake with strawberries and blueberries. The only thing I could come up with was a Jello cake (think 4th of July.) I made it, it turned out okay, and upon entering the bowling alley, I promptly dropped it on the floor. Luckily, the lid stayed on, so it wasn't ruined, but it definitely didn't look as pretty as when I had left the house! Now it will be forever known as "AJ Drop Cake." Lovely.













Here are D. and E. playing out in the snow.






I love the Christmas season, and I try to make Christmas at work fun. I like to do projects with the kids that they can give back to the community. I have a friend who works at a domestic violence center here, and one year she needed blankets. I went all over, getting donations of money and fabric to make fleece tie-blankets. We made about 25 blankets and donated them. Once, I came across some plain flower pots that I had the kids decorate and plant flowers in, then we took them to a local nursing home for Mother's Day. It's hard to explain to my kids why we do these things. They are typically ones who receive donations, and I (and my fellow staff members) feel they need to know what it feels like to give back, and to understand how easy it is and how much it means to other people. At Christmas time, we usually have a day where we decorate gingerbread houses and ornaments, then take them to the nursing home. This year, gingerbread houses were nixed (which I was not very happy about) and we were going to make tons of ornaments and take them to nursing homes around town. Unfortunately, the day we were supposed to do this, there was a massive ice storm. We were able to make the ornaments, but not until Christmas Eve. The kids had fun, and I think my co-workers did too.

Christmas and my birthday were pretty un-eventful due to the weather. I did, however, get a really big surprise at the end of the month. I have a new friend, K.

K. was quite a bit early, but healthy as could be. And cute. He is the handsome son of my dear friends Kate and Collin. Without going into too much detail, it was unclear for many years if a K. could be possible. But I'm so glad he was. I haven't even met him, but he's brought me so much joy! I can't explain it any more, just pure joy. And hope. I think K. reminded me of the magic of Christmas, and has renewed my spirit. Thanks, buddy, I needed it!

As I reflect on 2008, I am reminded of the things and people I lost this past year. I am reminded of the hardships my family and friends have faced. I am reminded that all things happen for a reason. And I have to be okay with that. For the most part, I think I am. There were some times, however, that it took me a really long time to be okay with that. But I am also reminded of my blessings. I have great friends and family. I have a job I enjoy (most of the time, minus the whiny voices of course). And I have optimism, which is something I take for granted. "It could always be worse" is my new motto. My goals for 2009 are to take time for me, to be less judgemental, and to be a better person. I think all are attainable, but I'll have to remind myself of the list! So, here's hoping 2009 is good to all of us! Lots of love and all the best!