Frustrating

My job is to counsel kids, and to convince them to change their behavior to become better people. I get kids from all different backgrounds, and I'm guessing you can imagine the shit-bag parents I have to deal with. Now, I'm not saying that all of the parents are like that, but I would estimate 80% of them have a large quantity of shit-bag behavior. I could tell you some real horror stories, but I think I'll save that for a different time. I would, however, like to tell you about my current client, Kayla (not her real name).

I work at a detention center, which is essentially jail for kids. The difference between us and other facilities is our Choices Program, which is a cognitive based rehabilitation program. Basically, we teach that every decision and action has a consequence, whether it be good or bad. By doing so, and pointing out negative behaviors, we get our kids to change the way they do things. It's kind of a cool phenomenon when they finally "get it." Anyway, my current client, Kayla, has quite a past. She turned 14 last week, and has been pregnant and miscarried, been to rehab/took off from rehab with a 30 year old drug dealer, and has had very little to do with her parents. She lives with her 70+ year old grandmother who can't really control her. Kayla has not gotten into any trouble while with us, and I knew when she started our program that home visits would be her downfall. The clients progress through phases, and after they achieve phase 2, they get to go home for a few days.

When I got the call Friday night that Kayla had booked from grandma's house, I can't say I was really surprised. Through a long series of events, Kayla's sister got her back to us on Sunday. (Here I should add that I tried to get the cops to go pick her up, and they refused even though I had a court order...but that's another story for another day.) When she got back, Kayla apologized to me. And I jumped her ass. I told her she didn't need to apologize to me, but to her grandmother and sister, who hadn't slept for days. I told her how disappointed I was in her (which I have found to be a useful tool, as our kids really try to please us...usually because we're the only ones who really care about them.) I asked her where she had been, and she told me she was at mom's house. Mom, a crack-smoking drunk who has called her 1 time...1 freaking time...in the past 6 weeks. Mom, who just failed a urine test last week that is part of her probation order. Mom, who promised Kayla she would be at her birthday party at grandmas house but was too high/drunk to get there (at 5 PM). Mom, who hasn't had any parental rights since Kayla was 4. Now, I know there are worse things in the world, and maybe I'm just too close to the situation, but this woman is killing me and all the progress I made with Kayla. Mom told Kayla to wait until a warrant was issued and for the police to arrest her instead of coming back on her own. What a f...ing parent! This is the shit that makes me hate my job!

Kayla is a beautiful, smart, funny young lady who has no self-confidence. She is looking for love "in all the wrong places." This is all stuff I can mend..not fix for her, but can mend it. But when mom comes around, Kayla gets mad and mean. She turns into her mother. And that scares me more than I can ever explain. In the coming weeks, we are going to be working on a lot of things. I'm hoping Kayla finally realizes who her bitchzilla of a mom really is, and I'm hoping she can find a better role model.

I guess I get frustrated because I know that some people don't deserve kids, and some people deserve them and aren't blessed with any. I don't understand what that heartache feels like, but I am extremely empathetic. And I get so pissed when I have a kid with great potential who gets beat down by worthless parents. I try to see the good in people, but I've grown a really thick pair of shades over my eyes, and it is becoming increasingly harder to do. And I wish I could just keep all the kids with me, raise them right, and help them become successful...but the court system doesn't really go for that. They probably would, but "juvenile detention" is a bad phrase right now in the country. I don't think anyone realizes that a large portion of our kids WANT to be there instead of home. And I'm glad I'm part of that.