The Wait Is Over

I have a ton to blog about, but it's going to have to wait. Today, we reached about 85 degrees. It was AMAZING!!! I'm typically a fan of 75-ish degree weather, but after all the cold/rain we've had, I'll take anything sunny and warm! Now, I'm not sure how popular the activity I did today is in your neck of the woods, but I shall remind you that I live in the middle of nowhere in Western Illinois. That being said, check out what I did today:

That's right, I went mushroom hunting! I know, how can you hunt something that doesn't move? Well, I like to think of it as an art, really. These little buggers are hard to find, as they look like the fallen leaves that carpet the timber. I was really excited to find this many, as it is really early for them. They are quite small, but that's okay. For most people, they are a delicacy. For me, it's all about the challenge. I don't really eat them. I try them every once in a while, but they're just not for me. I bet I covered 3 miles of timber today looking for them. Quite a workout! My legs and butt were feelin' it! Lots of hills and climbing over downed trees.

I love mushroom hunting, but I'm fairly new to the "sport." I've only done it for a few years, but my family has done it for as long as I remember. Today was a little weird. My dog, Butch, usually goes out with us. Actually, he usually doesn't let you leave without him if he sees that you have the collection bags. However, he's getting really old and can't/won't get into the truck, let alone run around the timber. My other mushrooming pal was D. I half-expected him to pop out of the woods today. I know that isn't realistic, but I was hoping. God I miss that kid! I'm hoping I can steal his nephew for a few afternoons and take him out there.

On a lighter note...

Wow...my last few blogs have been pretty intense! I want to thank all of you for your comments. You guys mean the world to me! It felt so much better to get all of that stuff out, especially to people who are so encouraging.


In a few weeks, I'm headed to WI once again. Last time I went to WI, I didn't get to spend too much time with my Goddaughter, E. When she realized I would be gone when she got home from daycare, there was a MAJOR meltdown. I bribed her with an "AJ and E." day the next time I come up. E. has an amazing memory for an almost 4 year old, as she asked me if we could have our day and go see "Hannah Bontana Mobie." I'm a sucker, so of course I said yes. Apparently we'll also be visiting Build-A-Bear, too. She saw me coming a mile (or hundreds of miles) away!


At the beginning of this year, I posted some things that I wanted to accomplish this year. I've started on my list, but still have a lot of work to do. I'm excited about this upcoming summer. I will be spending lots of time with friends (probably on the lake) and hopefully will get to golf a lot. I'm hoping that I stop taking things for granted and live my life the way it was meant to be lived. I'm also hoping that spring is good to me, and this blessed season renews my spirit. This is, after all, my favorite time of year.

"No one ever said it would be easy, just that it would be worth it."

Pseudo-Answers

Earlier this year, I wrote about what might have been the worst day of my life thus far. It was a day in which two people I knew very well passed away. This has been somewhat hard for me to accept. Normally, I am the one who can justify death pretty easily to myself. I have a weird relationship with death...I've lost so many family members and friends that it's just kind of ingrained, I guess. With these two young men passing away, they are the 10th and 11th people that I physically went to school with who have passed away...and my high school had less than 250 people. Very weird for such a small community.

A few days ago, I got an email from D.'s mom, in which she told me what was in his coroner's report. I had heard many rumors, but it felt better to know what was in his system. Unfortunately, it doesn't really make too much sense. Her assumption (which was the coroner's as well) is that someone lied to D. and gave him the wrong thing. Or, whatever he was given was tainted. This was the answer I was hoping for, in a way, that someone else was also to blame. I know it was his fault for taking the drugs, but all along I've been hoping he didn't know what was in them. I really thought when I got this report that it would somehow give me clarity, but it hasn't. At all. Now I just have a whole new book of questions that need answers, but I doubt I'll ever get them. I just have to find a way to make that answer be enough.

I called him the other day...on accident. My cell's contact list goes "Dad cell, D. cell..." I meant to call my dad, but hit D.'s name instead. I cried for the rest of the night. D. rescued me so many times...who am I going to call now? Who's going to get my spare set of keys from my house when I lock the others in my car? Who's going to let the dog out if I have to work overtime? Who's going to help me? Who's going to make me laugh? I'm so tired of this feeling of sadness, but I can't shake this one. This one hurt way too much. Here's hoping I can make some sense of this soon.

An Update

As I read it now, I'm noticing that I blamed Kayla's mom for most of her behavior. Though she has caused a majority of it, it is ultimately Kayla's decision to do what she does. I found out today that 1.) Kayla lied to me about smoking pot ("I was around someone who did it"...yeah, right, and I saw a pig flying this morning) and 2.) supposedly someone forced her to have sex on Friday night. I say supposedly because Kayla is full of lies, and I wouldn't be surprised if she's trying to put blame on someone else to take the heat off her. I know that sounds cruel, but she fessed up to several lies tonight after our "lying gets you nowhere" speech. I really hope it didn't happen to her, but when I asked what she was going to do about it, this is what I got. (Be ready...sit down and far away from sharp objects)

"I MAY press charges if I end up with an STD."

What the f..k is that kind of answer?????? She claims this is because she doesn't want to start anything because she is friends with the boy's cousin. I *kind* of understand this, as she is newly 14, but I don't understand it that much. So I tried the "Do you want him to get away with it and do it to another girl?" which essentially got me nowhere. I also understand that we're almost a week after the fact and there is not a trace of evidence left, but she doesn't know that. And I didn't want to tell her because that would just give her one more excuse not to press charges.

I've tried to be patient and caring, but have hit the end of my rope. I can handle the whole "victim" aspect of the sexual assault, but don't play "victim" and not do anything about it. And her excuses don't come from fear of her attacker, which I could understand, but fear of losing friends (who are the ones who supply her drugs.) I guess I'm thankful to not be a teenager anymore and for having good parents. My parents were weird at times, but always had my best interest at heart. I never knew how much I would come to appreciate that.