As I read it now, I'm noticing that I blamed Kayla's mom for most of her behavior. Though she has caused a majority of it, it is ultimately Kayla's decision to do what she does. I found out today that 1.) Kayla lied to me about smoking pot ("I was around someone who did it"...yeah, right, and I saw a pig flying this morning) and 2.) supposedly someone forced her to have sex on Friday night. I say supposedly because Kayla is full of lies, and I wouldn't be surprised if she's trying to put blame on someone else to take the heat off her. I know that sounds cruel, but she fessed up to several lies tonight after our "lying gets you nowhere" speech. I really hope it didn't happen to her, but when I asked what she was going to do about it, this is what I got. (Be ready...sit down and far away from sharp objects)
"I MAY press charges if I end up with an STD."
What the f..k is that kind of answer?????? She claims this is because she doesn't want to start anything because she is friends with the boy's cousin. I *kind* of understand this, as she is newly 14, but I don't understand it that much. So I tried the "Do you want him to get away with it and do it to another girl?" which essentially got me nowhere. I also understand that we're almost a week after the fact and there is not a trace of evidence left, but she doesn't know that. And I didn't want to tell her because that would just give her one more excuse not to press charges.
I've tried to be patient and caring, but have hit the end of my rope. I can handle the whole "victim" aspect of the sexual assault, but don't play "victim" and not do anything about it. And her excuses don't come from fear of her attacker, which I could understand, but fear of losing friends (who are the ones who supply her drugs.) I guess I'm thankful to not be a teenager anymore and for having good parents. My parents were weird at times, but always had my best interest at heart. I never knew how much I would come to appreciate that.
About Me
- amanda
- I guess I should start with the basics. I'm Amanda, and I've decided to blog as a way to vent. I like to read other people's blogs, so we'll see how this goes. Hope you like it!
5 comments:
I don't think you're totally off base - even though it wasn't your intention...she learned a lot of that behavior somewhere...or hasn't had someone that she respects enough to tell her that behavior is unacceptable. It seems to be a little of both on top of simply being 14.
I wonder a lot about where people come from, what makes them think the way they do, to do the things they do. Is it a money thing? Is it a social thing? Their friends, their upbringing? What makes them think this behavior is okay?
I had my own issues with my parents - most of them at 14 (I got my drunk and disorderly in public then - sssh...don't tell anybody). For me, it was me. I thought I knew everything and my parents knew nothing. Though my parents stepped up and put an end to my crap by making it crystal clear that my behavior was unacceptable and would no longer be tolerated. Poor Kayla doesn't have that. It's a sad situation when parents decide to not be parents and the kid gets so far out of control. And sometimes, it's just the kid...
I pray Kayla learns you're there to take the interest in her she needs - and not because you have to. It sounds like you're really trying. She needs you more than she knows. Hang in there!
I just have to say, Amanda, that you are...awesome. Seriously, there are so few people in this world who can work with kids of that age (#1) who have the challenges these ones like Kayla do (#2). You are doing a great job, and I hope that Kayla will see that someday soon, if she doesn't already. There needs to be more people like you out there trying to help troubled youth. Please know that what you're doing is appreciated BEYOND WORDS, even if it's not the kids themselves expressing it to you. Hang in there and keep "fighting the good fight." (How cheesy am I, eh?) :)
Em, I totally second what you just said. It takes a saint to do this job. I'd want to slap them across the face and yell "WAKE UP YOU STUPID f**k!" I'm very empathetic!! I too, struggled with lots like Gail, but having that person who you know will eventually reel you back in and "slap you across the face" is what keeps us safe. We may stray, but everyone needs boundaries. Hopefully she will make it through having you there Amanda. At least you can be proud of you interference.
You are all amazing! And I thank you, because this week has been really taxing on my spirit. I seem to walk the fine line between nurturer and disciplinarian, and I hope I'm enough of each with her. It's hard jumping into a teenage girl's life and trying to make the right impact. It's sometimes hard for me to remember that these young girls have had much different experiences than I had. My dad never hit my mom (actually, my mom pretty much wears the pants in the family), I was taught right from wrong at an early age, and I've always had constant support. I sometimes have to "count to 10" before I respond to things, such as "I may press charges...". Crazy as it sounds, it works for me. I think most of my frustration lies in knowing the potential someone has, but they CAN'T see it. It's not that they don't want to, it's that they can't see it. Failure, unfortunately, is ingrained in them. Kayla is a beautiful, smart young girl who really could do anything, but she can't see that. Hell, she can't see next week! Argh! I guess no one said it would be easy! Anyway, thank you so much for the kind words and support...love you all dearly!
I just have to second what all of these fine women have said and I have to tell you that the part that touches me the most is how much you truly care for these kids. It is so evident. It has to be hard. Man, it has to be SO hard sometimes...but you are doing such a wonderful thing. Sometimes love is best taught through discipline. Hang in there and have faith in the fact that you can (finally!) provide a postive role model for these children.
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