Frustrating

My job is to counsel kids, and to convince them to change their behavior to become better people. I get kids from all different backgrounds, and I'm guessing you can imagine the shit-bag parents I have to deal with. Now, I'm not saying that all of the parents are like that, but I would estimate 80% of them have a large quantity of shit-bag behavior. I could tell you some real horror stories, but I think I'll save that for a different time. I would, however, like to tell you about my current client, Kayla (not her real name).

I work at a detention center, which is essentially jail for kids. The difference between us and other facilities is our Choices Program, which is a cognitive based rehabilitation program. Basically, we teach that every decision and action has a consequence, whether it be good or bad. By doing so, and pointing out negative behaviors, we get our kids to change the way they do things. It's kind of a cool phenomenon when they finally "get it." Anyway, my current client, Kayla, has quite a past. She turned 14 last week, and has been pregnant and miscarried, been to rehab/took off from rehab with a 30 year old drug dealer, and has had very little to do with her parents. She lives with her 70+ year old grandmother who can't really control her. Kayla has not gotten into any trouble while with us, and I knew when she started our program that home visits would be her downfall. The clients progress through phases, and after they achieve phase 2, they get to go home for a few days.

When I got the call Friday night that Kayla had booked from grandma's house, I can't say I was really surprised. Through a long series of events, Kayla's sister got her back to us on Sunday. (Here I should add that I tried to get the cops to go pick her up, and they refused even though I had a court order...but that's another story for another day.) When she got back, Kayla apologized to me. And I jumped her ass. I told her she didn't need to apologize to me, but to her grandmother and sister, who hadn't slept for days. I told her how disappointed I was in her (which I have found to be a useful tool, as our kids really try to please us...usually because we're the only ones who really care about them.) I asked her where she had been, and she told me she was at mom's house. Mom, a crack-smoking drunk who has called her 1 time...1 freaking time...in the past 6 weeks. Mom, who just failed a urine test last week that is part of her probation order. Mom, who promised Kayla she would be at her birthday party at grandmas house but was too high/drunk to get there (at 5 PM). Mom, who hasn't had any parental rights since Kayla was 4. Now, I know there are worse things in the world, and maybe I'm just too close to the situation, but this woman is killing me and all the progress I made with Kayla. Mom told Kayla to wait until a warrant was issued and for the police to arrest her instead of coming back on her own. What a f...ing parent! This is the shit that makes me hate my job!

Kayla is a beautiful, smart, funny young lady who has no self-confidence. She is looking for love "in all the wrong places." This is all stuff I can mend..not fix for her, but can mend it. But when mom comes around, Kayla gets mad and mean. She turns into her mother. And that scares me more than I can ever explain. In the coming weeks, we are going to be working on a lot of things. I'm hoping Kayla finally realizes who her bitchzilla of a mom really is, and I'm hoping she can find a better role model.

I guess I get frustrated because I know that some people don't deserve kids, and some people deserve them and aren't blessed with any. I don't understand what that heartache feels like, but I am extremely empathetic. And I get so pissed when I have a kid with great potential who gets beat down by worthless parents. I try to see the good in people, but I've grown a really thick pair of shades over my eyes, and it is becoming increasingly harder to do. And I wish I could just keep all the kids with me, raise them right, and help them become successful...but the court system doesn't really go for that. They probably would, but "juvenile detention" is a bad phrase right now in the country. I don't think anyone realizes that a large portion of our kids WANT to be there instead of home. And I'm glad I'm part of that.

Another Reason to Enjoy Your Job...

I am currently on lice duty. My shift ended over an hour ago, and I'm killing cooties. I was doing a nice thing. I have a girl that is here because she has nowhere else to go, and she asked me to cut her hair. As I started combing, I thought I saw nits. I started searching, and what do you know? I found some live ones. Scratching your heads yet? Be jealous, it's okay. And it's not the first time I've had to do this. Not even the second...or tenth. I know there are horror stories to every job, but lice is the worst part of this job. Never happens to a girl with short hair! Always the long ones! Oh well...gotta do it even if you don't want to. Hope everyone has a great Sunday!

It Never Ceases to Amaze Me....

Today, I had to explain to a young man why he can't suck his thumb in class. After much arguing, he sort of got my point that it's disgusting, especially since they share writing utensils. Later, while watching a movie in class, I had to once again tell him to remove his hand from his mouth, and remove the other one from his pants. I could understand if I was telling a 6 year old this, but we're talking about a 13 year old! The joys of my job. I then had to explain private room time versus public time....yikes. Just thought I'd give you a reason to enjoy your jobs!

A Different Perspective

This past weekend, I was honored to stand up in a wedding for a long-time friend, Brenna. Brenna and I have been friends, we think, since the age of 4. She lived across the street from my babysitter, and our dads were both on the fire department. I don't ever remember her not being there. She was always my partner-in-crime...not that we ever did anything that bad, we were just extremely curious. And we could talk our dads into anything!

We went separate ways in college, but always were able to pick right up where we left off. We both went through some tough stuff, and both helped each other through it. I was surprised when she asked me to be a bridesmaid, as she has a huge, I mean HUGE, family and was always really close to a couple of her cousins. I really thought between siblings, in-laws and cousins, there wouldn't be room for friends...so I consider myself lucky. We had a great time.

As most of you can imagine, I hung out with the kids most of the time. I should mention that I've been sick for almost 2 weeks, and was on an antibiotic for the past few days...so no drinking for me! Anyway, Brenna's niece, L., was the cutest flower girl ever! When I stop being lazy and upload my pictures, I'll add one I took of her. Anyway, while we were waiting for the wedding to start, L. looked at a Japanese beetle and said "Mana, dem yook yike yadybugs, but dem not yadybugs. And dem not nice. And dem tink!" She apparently used to have a bad habit of squishing them, which made them "tink." She was so sweet and cute! Later at the reception, she came up to me with her blankie. I asked her if she wanted to cuddle, and she nodded yes. I think it took me about 4 leg sways and she was out, loud music and all! So adorable!

Needless to say, I had a great time. It was a long day, and my feet were killing me, but I wouldn't want it any other way. Lots of old friends showed up, and it was good catching up with them. It's amazing how much has changed for all of us in the past 10 years....

**A side story I wanted to add:**
A few weeks ago, we did a scavenger hunt for Brenna's bachelorette party. One of the items was getting 5 guys to give us their philosophy on marriage. I don't know if I agree with this guy, but thought it was kind of funny/cute. He states:

"Marriage is like a three ring circus. First, there's the engagement ring. Next, the wedding ring. Then the suffering!"

All in good fun!