Just thought I'd let everyone know....
I'm going to a Motley Crue concert tomorrow night!!! Are you jealous yet? What if I add that Hinder and Theory of a Dead Man are the opening acts? Jealous now?
Okay, so I'm excited to see Hinder and Theory of a Dead Man. Motley Crue is third on my list, but that's okay. I'm going with the girls, so it will be fun no matter what. We deserve a night out! It's been a rough couple of weeks. Okay, it's been a rough year or so for all of us.
Wishing you a great week!
;) Amanda
About Me
- amanda
- I guess I should start with the basics. I'm Amanda, and I've decided to blog as a way to vent. I like to read other people's blogs, so we'll see how this goes. Hope you like it!
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Thursday, February 5, 2009
A Punch in the Gut
That's how I'd describe my last two weeks. Literally, a punch in the gut. More like punches. Just when you think they're over, one comes out of nowhere. Where to start....
Well, a few weeks ago, I woke up at 6:58 AM when I was supposed to be at work at 7 AM. Great start, right? While at work, we completely lost power. Our building is set up to lose phases of power depending on the incident, and of course, we have a generator. It kind of hinders what we can do, but we have heat and lights, so we can survive. Anyway, when we went to explore, the nearest transformer had blown. And when I say blown, I mean pieces flew like 30 feet from the pole! Crazy! I then went to my friend Brenna's house to print her wedding invitations, and the printer would not work. I putzed with it for 30 minutes...no luck. I went home, grabbed a snack and kicked back in the chair for a little nap, when all of a sudden, my world changed.
Now I realize that I don't have to volunteer, but I love it. I love firefighting and I love EMS. They complete me. But I have never, ever, hated them more than I did on this day. My pager went off, dispatching me to a call for a man not breathing. I hate, HATE CPR. I've known how to do it for a very long time, and have done it countless times, yet hate it just the same. So, I kind of wasted time at home, hoping someone else would respond before me. No luck. The roads were horrible and drifting shut. When we arrived, I was told we needed to get permission from the hospital to withold CPR. As I was getting ready to call, I asked who the person was. (This is when the world around me comes crashing down.) I hear the name I am not expecting, the name I don't really believe. It can't be D. It just can't be. I can't tell my parents one of their other "kids" is dead...again. I can't call my brother and tell him his best friend is dead. I just can't. It'll break him...it almost did last time. He's too young to go through this...again.
So, I compose myself. Well, the best I can, anyway. And I find my parents. I know I'm not supposed to tell them yet, but I do. I can't keep it to myself. And I can't stop crying. And then I hear that there is another kid dead. B.'s only 19, he can't be dead too? I used to babysit him. I walked to his house when he was in kindergarten and got on the bus with him because he was scared. He can't be gone too! And so it begins. In a small town, you can't escape rumors. I just hope none ever come my way, because I don't know how I'll handle that. Well, I know, and I fear it.
Then, this past week, one of my dearest friends lost her mother in an accident. She was being a good person, and stopped to help some young girls who were in an accident, and she was electrocuted. Really. How do these things keep happening? And to good people. I have faith...lots of faith. It's what keeps me whole. But I'm not gonna lie, these past two weeks have really tested my faith. I keep telling myself that there has to be a reason, but I can't rationalize that right now. I just keep thinking about a Bible verse from the book of Romans:
"Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us."
This has been my mantra for a long time. I find it applicable in good times and in bad. I try to live by this verse, knowing that all the trials I face, I do so for a reason. And the reason varies. But all things, good and bad, shape me into the person I am.
I've reflected a lot over the past few weeks. I've really looked at the person I am, and the person I want to be. I want to have more of D.'s spirit. He took care of everyone else before himself. I give a lot, but am also very selfish at times. D. would drop everything to help me, and I need to try to do the same, instead of trying to get out of things. And my friend's mom was just an all-around amazing person. That's what I hope people can say about me one day. So I hope to do things to honor her every day...be thankful for what I have, do simple things to help others, and give to those who need it. I think I do these things, but can do them more often and more whole-heartedly.
So that, in a nutshell, has been my fragile life for the past few weeks. Please don't think it's all been sad. I got to spend a lot of time with my little bro, his girlfriend and lots of friends. We had a lot of good times, but it's going to take a while for this pain to go away. Most of you already know about most of this, and have sent me some great messages. I thank you for that. My friend, Kate, who I think has ESP (as she called and sent pics of K. at the times I needed them the most), has always been my saving grace. I've said that over and over again, but she is just amazing. And she's letting me invade her house in a few weeks! I can't wait to see K. and my BFF Maia again! I'm not sure she knows what she's in for, but it's just the break I've been waiting for. I always talk about WI...how amazing it is, how beautiful it is, etc. I guess I'm the only one who knows the magic it holds for me...but it's my peace, and I can't wait to be reunited with it again.
Well, a few weeks ago, I woke up at 6:58 AM when I was supposed to be at work at 7 AM. Great start, right? While at work, we completely lost power. Our building is set up to lose phases of power depending on the incident, and of course, we have a generator. It kind of hinders what we can do, but we have heat and lights, so we can survive. Anyway, when we went to explore, the nearest transformer had blown. And when I say blown, I mean pieces flew like 30 feet from the pole! Crazy! I then went to my friend Brenna's house to print her wedding invitations, and the printer would not work. I putzed with it for 30 minutes...no luck. I went home, grabbed a snack and kicked back in the chair for a little nap, when all of a sudden, my world changed.
Now I realize that I don't have to volunteer, but I love it. I love firefighting and I love EMS. They complete me. But I have never, ever, hated them more than I did on this day. My pager went off, dispatching me to a call for a man not breathing. I hate, HATE CPR. I've known how to do it for a very long time, and have done it countless times, yet hate it just the same. So, I kind of wasted time at home, hoping someone else would respond before me. No luck. The roads were horrible and drifting shut. When we arrived, I was told we needed to get permission from the hospital to withold CPR. As I was getting ready to call, I asked who the person was. (This is when the world around me comes crashing down.) I hear the name I am not expecting, the name I don't really believe. It can't be D. It just can't be. I can't tell my parents one of their other "kids" is dead...again. I can't call my brother and tell him his best friend is dead. I just can't. It'll break him...it almost did last time. He's too young to go through this...again.
So, I compose myself. Well, the best I can, anyway. And I find my parents. I know I'm not supposed to tell them yet, but I do. I can't keep it to myself. And I can't stop crying. And then I hear that there is another kid dead. B.'s only 19, he can't be dead too? I used to babysit him. I walked to his house when he was in kindergarten and got on the bus with him because he was scared. He can't be gone too! And so it begins. In a small town, you can't escape rumors. I just hope none ever come my way, because I don't know how I'll handle that. Well, I know, and I fear it.
Then, this past week, one of my dearest friends lost her mother in an accident. She was being a good person, and stopped to help some young girls who were in an accident, and she was electrocuted. Really. How do these things keep happening? And to good people. I have faith...lots of faith. It's what keeps me whole. But I'm not gonna lie, these past two weeks have really tested my faith. I keep telling myself that there has to be a reason, but I can't rationalize that right now. I just keep thinking about a Bible verse from the book of Romans:
"Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us."
This has been my mantra for a long time. I find it applicable in good times and in bad. I try to live by this verse, knowing that all the trials I face, I do so for a reason. And the reason varies. But all things, good and bad, shape me into the person I am.
I've reflected a lot over the past few weeks. I've really looked at the person I am, and the person I want to be. I want to have more of D.'s spirit. He took care of everyone else before himself. I give a lot, but am also very selfish at times. D. would drop everything to help me, and I need to try to do the same, instead of trying to get out of things. And my friend's mom was just an all-around amazing person. That's what I hope people can say about me one day. So I hope to do things to honor her every day...be thankful for what I have, do simple things to help others, and give to those who need it. I think I do these things, but can do them more often and more whole-heartedly.
So that, in a nutshell, has been my fragile life for the past few weeks. Please don't think it's all been sad. I got to spend a lot of time with my little bro, his girlfriend and lots of friends. We had a lot of good times, but it's going to take a while for this pain to go away. Most of you already know about most of this, and have sent me some great messages. I thank you for that. My friend, Kate, who I think has ESP (as she called and sent pics of K. at the times I needed them the most), has always been my saving grace. I've said that over and over again, but she is just amazing. And she's letting me invade her house in a few weeks! I can't wait to see K. and my BFF Maia again! I'm not sure she knows what she's in for, but it's just the break I've been waiting for. I always talk about WI...how amazing it is, how beautiful it is, etc. I guess I'm the only one who knows the magic it holds for me...but it's my peace, and I can't wait to be reunited with it again.
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
Here's to 2009...
Hello Friends!
I'm sorry it's been so long since I've posted anything. So much has happened! I spent early December in WI. This is somewhat of an annual thing for me. I usually meet friends there for some Christmas activities. This year was a little different, as my trip organizer, was very pregnant with her son, K. Early on, she was planning on coming down; I, of course, was leery from the get-go. Luckily for me (though I did miss seeing her), she became extremely exhausted, and opted to stay close to home. I got to lounge around a lot in WI, which is something I don't often get to do at home. WI is my refuge. Sometimes my hosts feel bad for being so low-key, but I love it! I get rest and relaxation! I often talk about my friend Shannon's little ones, D. and E. D. turned 6 while I was in WI, and asked me to make him a cake with strawberries and blueberries. The only thing I could come up with was a Jello cake (think 4th of July.) I made it, it turned out okay, and upon entering the bowling alley, I promptly dropped it on the floor. Luckily, the lid stayed on, so it wasn't ruined, but it definitely didn't look as pretty as when I had left the house! Now it will be forever known as "AJ Drop Cake." Lovely.
Here are D. and E. playing out in the snow.
I love the Christmas season, and I try to make Christmas at work fun. I like to do projects with the kids that they can give back to the community. I have a friend who works at a domestic violence center here, and one year she needed blankets. I went all over, getting donations of money and fabric to make fleece tie-blankets. We made about 25 blankets and donated them. Once, I came across some plain flower pots that I had the kids decorate and plant flowers in, then we took them to a local nursing home for Mother's Day. It's hard to explain to my kids why we do these things. They are typically ones who receive donations, and I (and my fellow staff members) feel they need to know what it feels like to give back, and to understand how easy it is and how much it means to other people. At Christmas time, we usually have a day where we decorate gingerbread houses and ornaments, then take them to the nursing home. This year, gingerbread houses were nixed (which I was not very happy about) and we were going to make tons of ornaments and take them to nursing homes around town. Unfortunately, the day we were supposed to do this, there was a massive ice storm. We were able to make the ornaments, but not until Christmas Eve. The kids had fun, and I think my co-workers did too.
Christmas and my birthday were pretty un-eventful due to the weather. I did, however, get a really big surprise at the end of the month. I have a new friend, K.
I'm sorry it's been so long since I've posted anything. So much has happened! I spent early December in WI. This is somewhat of an annual thing for me. I usually meet friends there for some Christmas activities. This year was a little different, as my trip organizer, was very pregnant with her son, K. Early on, she was planning on coming down; I, of course, was leery from the get-go. Luckily for me (though I did miss seeing her), she became extremely exhausted, and opted to stay close to home. I got to lounge around a lot in WI, which is something I don't often get to do at home. WI is my refuge. Sometimes my hosts feel bad for being so low-key, but I love it! I get rest and relaxation! I often talk about my friend Shannon's little ones, D. and E. D. turned 6 while I was in WI, and asked me to make him a cake with strawberries and blueberries. The only thing I could come up with was a Jello cake (think 4th of July.) I made it, it turned out okay, and upon entering the bowling alley, I promptly dropped it on the floor. Luckily, the lid stayed on, so it wasn't ruined, but it definitely didn't look as pretty as when I had left the house! Now it will be forever known as "AJ Drop Cake." Lovely.
Here are D. and E. playing out in the snow.
I love the Christmas season, and I try to make Christmas at work fun. I like to do projects with the kids that they can give back to the community. I have a friend who works at a domestic violence center here, and one year she needed blankets. I went all over, getting donations of money and fabric to make fleece tie-blankets. We made about 25 blankets and donated them. Once, I came across some plain flower pots that I had the kids decorate and plant flowers in, then we took them to a local nursing home for Mother's Day. It's hard to explain to my kids why we do these things. They are typically ones who receive donations, and I (and my fellow staff members) feel they need to know what it feels like to give back, and to understand how easy it is and how much it means to other people. At Christmas time, we usually have a day where we decorate gingerbread houses and ornaments, then take them to the nursing home. This year, gingerbread houses were nixed (which I was not very happy about) and we were going to make tons of ornaments and take them to nursing homes around town. Unfortunately, the day we were supposed to do this, there was a massive ice storm. We were able to make the ornaments, but not until Christmas Eve. The kids had fun, and I think my co-workers did too.
Christmas and my birthday were pretty un-eventful due to the weather. I did, however, get a really big surprise at the end of the month. I have a new friend, K.
K. was quite a bit early, but healthy as could be. And cute. He is the handsome son of my dear friends Kate and Collin. Without going into too much detail, it was unclear for many years if a K. could be possible. But I'm so glad he was. I haven't even met him, but he's brought me so much joy! I can't explain it any more, just pure joy. And hope. I think K. reminded me of the magic of Christmas, and has renewed my spirit. Thanks, buddy, I needed it!
As I reflect on 2008, I am reminded of the things and people I lost this past year. I am reminded of the hardships my family and friends have faced. I am reminded that all things happen for a reason. And I have to be okay with that. For the most part, I think I am. There were some times, however, that it took me a really long time to be okay with that. But I am also reminded of my blessings. I have great friends and family. I have a job I enjoy (most of the time, minus the whiny voices of course). And I have optimism, which is something I take for granted. "It could always be worse" is my new motto. My goals for 2009 are to take time for me, to be less judgemental, and to be a better person. I think all are attainable, but I'll have to remind myself of the list! So, here's hoping 2009 is good to all of us! Lots of love and all the best!
Monday, December 1, 2008
Thankful
On here, I often mention my friend, Kate. Kate was one of my college roomates. We didn't meet until partway through my freshman year, but clicked instantly (must have been a displaced IL girl thing!) We have stayed really good friends, though we don't get to communicate often (blogging definately helps!) She always writes blogs that make me think about things. Her most recent post was about being thankful. This made me think about what I am thankful for.
I am thankful for a lot of things. It hasn't been the best year for me, but somehow I can still look back on this year with great memories, and have hope that what is in store for me in the future brings the same. I'm thankful for the friends who surround me, for they really do make the world a better place. I have a supportive family, which is something I've learned isn't the case for everyone. I'm thankful for my faith, because without it, I'd be one lost soul. I'm proud of myself for sucking up my pride and mending some fences this year...it felt really good. I've come to realize how blessed I really am, even when I feel that I've failed.
This past week was crazy, but I've been thinking about these things a lot. I'm gearing up for Christmas. This weekend, I'll head north to WI once again, for some birthday and Christmas celebrating. It should be a great time. I'm hoping to come home with some more great memories. Wishing everyone a great start to their holiday season! Lots of love, AJ
I am thankful for a lot of things. It hasn't been the best year for me, but somehow I can still look back on this year with great memories, and have hope that what is in store for me in the future brings the same. I'm thankful for the friends who surround me, for they really do make the world a better place. I have a supportive family, which is something I've learned isn't the case for everyone. I'm thankful for my faith, because without it, I'd be one lost soul. I'm proud of myself for sucking up my pride and mending some fences this year...it felt really good. I've come to realize how blessed I really am, even when I feel that I've failed.
This past week was crazy, but I've been thinking about these things a lot. I'm gearing up for Christmas. This weekend, I'll head north to WI once again, for some birthday and Christmas celebrating. It should be a great time. I'm hoping to come home with some more great memories. Wishing everyone a great start to their holiday season! Lots of love, AJ
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