Speechless

Have you ever received some news or a comment from someone that left you utterly speechless? It doesn't happen very often to me, but recently I received such a comment. Usually, when I hear something, even if I don't make a verbal response (say, if it's not worth hurting someone else or making them mad), I am giving a response in my head. This time, however, I had NOTHING...couldn't think, couldn't speak, and devastated. What was this news, you ask? The "W" word...WEIGHT.

I was at my yearly exam with my OB/GYN. She asked if I had any health concerns, any problems, any questions, etc. I told her I didn't. She said, "Well, I do. I'm concerned about your weight gain over the last 5 years." And rightfully so, it is ridiculous. And I know that. I'm thinking, "You're right...I have to do something. I wonder how she wants me to lose weight? Low carb? Weight Watchers?" And then she says, "I think you need to have Lap-Band surgery done." WTH? She asks if I'd ever considered it. I tell her "NO!" She babbles on about how other patients have had a lot of success...yadda, yadda, yadda. To tell you the truth, I was trying not to cry, and thinking in my head why I don't want to have this done; I had stopped listening. She sent me on my way with some pamphlets about bariatric procedures. And I made it to my car before I started crying.

(So, here are my issues with LapBanding for me:
*I have no physical ailments that prevent me from making eating and workout changes.
*I haven't had kids yet, and the thought of some foreign object being in my body while pregnant creeps me out.
*After the procedure, you have to eat a low fiber diet. Doesn't every healthy diet promote high fiber? If I recall, isn't fiber what cleans your colon? (I also have quite a family history of diverticulitis, so the low fiber thing scares me.)
*I'm not 30 yet, and I have no health issues besides allergies and asthma (lifelong.)
*There are no long-term studies of people who have had LapBanding, and I worry about possible side effects later in life (mostly due to nutritional issues and how that can affect bones, heart, etc.)

Okay, so it's no big news that I need to lose weight. Especially when you look at the pic Kate posted of me at H.'s baptism...whoa. That's not the version of me who I want K. and H. to know. Or anyone else for that matter. I have a ton of self-confidence, and that is probably one of my best assets. I refuse to change for anyone but me. I'm not ashamed to wear a bathing suit, and, in fact, spent most of my summer on a boat. I know my friends won't judge me, because I surround myself with great people. And I don't care what anyone outside of my circle of family and friends thinks about me. I like who I am, and I love food! I don't eat emotionally, I just have slow-ass metabolism (no thyroid issues, of course), and used to eat too late at night on my second shift nights. I say "used to" because on that fateful day in August, I stopped drinking pop (soda, if you will), stopped eating late, and given up fried food (not too big of a deal, because I didn't eat it that often anyway.) I also fill up on low calorie, low sugar, low fat snacks (bring on the sugar free jello!) and have increased my fluid intake immensely. It's a good thing I like water, tea and crystal light! I look at everything I'm about to put in my mouth, and ask "Is it worth it?" If it's not, I find something else. I haven't started a heavy workout routine yet, but I'll blog about that later. When I can workout, I plan on joining Weight Watchers...I want to get the most out of my money! (Yes, seriously! But I have friends who have done it, and I have the general guidelines that I've started following.)

I had often said before that I couldn't find the motivation to make the change...guess my OB knew how to help me there! I should mention, however, that I've known her my entire life, and she knows my struggles with weight. And I was able to quickly realize she only wanted to help me, even though the words hurt like a bi#$h! Thanks to some great friends, and great advice, I'm committed to making some changes. Apparently, so is my waistline...need to take in my work pants! Boo-yah!