Back to Reality

I just took a trip to Wisconsin, and had an amazing time. I got to see all my kids, and spend a lot of time with the Konopacki family preparing for H.'s baptism. It was exactly the break I needed, and there wasn't much down-time to think about anything stressful. It was a great week spent with great friends!

That being said, my first two days back have been pretty rough. Last night, we responded to a very bad accident involving some local teens. Unfortunately, one young man didn't make it. This is a terrible tragedy anytime, but in a small area where everyone knows everyone, it makes it so much harder. I just can't get the picture of his mother's face out of my head. Being as empathetic as I am, my heart was literally breaking with hers, even though I didn't know this young man that well. And his poor classmates...it's only been a little over a year since they lost yet another classmate in an accident. And I worry about our new crop of First Responders, as they went to school with him, and that it may deter them now from wanting to do the important work we do. This is exactly why I do it...because I can do it. I don't really know how to explain it, it's just something inside me that wants to help others in times of need.

Today was full of sanitizing and washing fire gear, ambulance equipment, etc. Not exactly how I wanted to spend my morning, but it has to be done. And then I get back to work. When I left for vacation, our kids were very well behaved and getting good behavior grades. Apparently last week that all went out the window. Nothing, and I mean nothing, irritates me more than having to repeat myself. (Well, that's not entirely true. People who are able to do certain things, but are unwilling to do them is another one of my pet-peeves. Ohhh, just thinking about some people I know that are like that is making my face red!) Anyway, I have this one young man who thinks his grin will get him out of everything. One of our big rules is to not manipulate, and this young man doesn't seem to care about it. We had a long discussion a few weeks ago about it, and why his behavior grade was so low because he couldn't follow it. It seems that I just wasted my breath, because he had the nerve to ask myself and two other staff members (while in my presence) the same question, to see if he'd get a different answer. By this point, I'd had enough, and sent him back to his room. His locked room.

This wasn't a big deal, and it wasn't the first time he had been sent back. At the end of the night, however, my supervisor pulls me aside and tells me that he didn't want me "yelling" at the kids when I sent them back. ***Some background info: I have never been as micromanaged in my life as I have been since I've worked here. Seriously. And it's nit-picky stuff, too. Every week the management meets, and they type up "minutes" to post, basically calling out everything they think we do wrong. It may not actually be wrong, but they prefer we do it differently. Whatever.*** Anyway, said supervisor told a kid two weeks ago, "You're acting like a f..king idiot" in front of other kids, but me raising my voice to a kid telling him to go back to his room is wrong. Oh, I see, it's a "do as I say, not as I do" situation. I totally understand why he wants me to not do so, but have an issue with it being okay for some to make up their own rules. I also understand that most of my kids shut down when voices are raised. But, quite frankly, I'd had enough. I just watched a family lose their son last night, and now I have to deal with this little punk? I just want to go back on vacation!!!!

Back to reality...this is my reality...*sigh*. Here's hoping the rest of the week goes smoothly, and the weekend is nice!